Friday, April 18, 2008 @ 4/18/2008 10:50:00 PM
| A sad week |
As I drove home after classes an hour ago,
I realised it is the 7th day after I received the call that she was in critical condition.
Then everyday after that day
I jumped everytime the phone in my house rang.
Cos' I really do not want to hear the news.
I should have gone to speak to her when I see her at the coffeeshop with her friends
I should have spoken to her more often instead of just greeting her
I should have visited her more often at the hospital when she was still conscious
I should have visited her more often when she came home to prepare for the day
I should have asked them to allow me to sit by her side while she fell into unconsciousness
I really should.
I stared at the empty void deck
that had been beautifully decorated with flowers just hours ago
where she rested for a week.
That emptiness saddens me.
It's so empty.
Sometimes I wonder
whether a human being is an amazing combination
of the hardware God gives -
The brain, the heart, and others.
So when the mechanisms give way
the human being shuts down
and reduces to ashes.
主耶稣 啊 主耶稣
我要做你的门徒
(No, I've not adopted a new religion)
This song has been sung for weeks (or months)
everyone sang it for her for the past 1 week
regardless of their own beliefs.
Everyone sang it for her today.
The very last day.
I kept looking at her for the past 1 week.
Because I want to remember forever how she looks like.
I kept returning to her side
Then closed my eyes to memorise the peaceful face.
Even though I know there's little I could do to help around,
I just want to be there.
I don't know what to say to her.
When I see her children expressing their love in words by her side,
I felt that I have been so inadequately equipped with
the ability of speech,
the ability to express.
I'm just glad she found faith in what she believed,
All the miracles she'd gone through,
All the hurdles she'd overcome,
to see everyone who is dear to her,
before she left for good.
Everyone turns coward in the face of death
Don't deceive yourself
Don't live in denial.
Even if they believe in life after death
or reincarnation for that matter.
For no living person knows, for sure,
this is truth.
It has been a torturous week for many of my dearest
It has been a sorrowful week for many of my dearest
as we witnessed her last journey this morning.
一路好走...
Love, Ah-Girl
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