Sunday, October 31, 2004 @ 10/31/2004 11:47:00 PM
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Sometimes its hard to get back what u lose... everytime i think about the bad times we've had, i begin to wonder and doubt the future i have in mind with him. No doubt we are happy at times when we are together, but some elements are lacking. I need him to cheer me up when im down, i dun need him to piss me off further. But always, the latter happens. He doesnt see the need to coax me even if he knew that i was pissed by him. I think it's impt. It's impt that i feel happy and secure with him.
In my life, everything needs a beginning and an ending. It's difficult for me to leave something half done. So when im unhappy with him, i want him to settle it with me properly. Say something nice, do something sweet.. watever it is, i need to end the problem. If not i just wont feel happy for the whole day or even more than that.
Sometimes i think im selfish. Im always thinking of myself. What i wan, what i expect. But it's really hard for me to give my all if i dun think its worth it. Im selfish. I admit....
Today's our 44mths anniversary. So?
Saturday, October 30, 2004 @ 10/30/2004 11:21:00 PM
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Sometimes i wonder, after more than 3 and 1/2 yrs.. he still doesnt know what i want and expect.. its really a waste of time. I know sometimes i think too much, expect too much.. so now i think its time i let go of the thought about the nice future of us.. its just my dream... maybe not with him
Went for dinner and coffee wif DoTTie... saw her splurge 60 bucks at MNG.. haizz... *shakes head*... had our usual chatting session non stop for more than 2hrs at coffee club paragon.. den went toilet hunting... on our way to the mrt station, saw x'mas lightings being set up, saw this guy about to hit an old man over his gf (i think), saw an old man sitting on a bench drying 2 big big dogs while admiring how passer bys 'wow' over the dogs, saw this gal wearing pink halter and pink permudas (OMG, disaster), saw another gal with fat legs wearing a short short green skirt.......
Im finally home from NTU. Felt so distant when i travelled on the NE line. thinking back, it has been 1 full week since i took a bus (let alone train)! Had been in Pulau NTU, and didnt need to take any transport at all for all my activities there. Saved alot of transport fees this month! yay!but immediately spent it today .. for a loreal lip gloss, dinner & coffee.... money... comes hard...spent easily
Thursday, October 28, 2004 @ 10/28/2004 10:40:00 AM
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-Brain DeaD-
Im at the 1039th word of my last assignment of this semester... Icant go on... it's a rainy day... im deprvied of slp even though i slpt at 1130pm last night. After Macs breakfast, straight to the computer lab.. hoping very much to finish up the music essay that is due on monday. But i cant think.... aRghhhhh
save meeeeee
Tuesday, October 26, 2004 @ 10/26/2004 05:41:00 PM
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After the 100th email i had conferenced with my lecturer, i still have no idea on how to continue my assignment to come up with a project with an authentic purpose and audience. And it doesnt help that i have 2 people directly behind my back (my room mate and her bf) talking non-stop since 1/2 hr ago. This is bad. And also it doesnt help when i heard her bf on the phone saying "i dont know what time i will leave".
ARgHHhh daMiT
Im hungry. But i duno wad to eat. Im meeting a fren for macs breakfast at canteen A tmr.. hehe... Macs at NTU is selling at around 1 buck cheaper than the other branches outside.
I hope he will leave soon... their chattering... tho soft... is getting more irritating...........
Sunday, October 24, 2004 @ 10/24/2004 08:29:00 PM
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Well well, this is my last try. If my blog gets lost with the BloDy connection, den i'll nv ever gonna blog again.
Its the sunday. Not just any other sunday. It's gonna be the last sunday i spend in this Hall 13 room 1617. Happi? u bet. im glad to leave this place cos i no longer get the privacy i had when i stayed alone last semester. Im glad that im leaving cos i wont have to clean the place up for some other ppl who doesnt play her part. Im happi and excited over getting my own room done up wif new decorations.. Heard my dad's idea of moving home on Friday in 2 trips on one single day... OMG... sounds abit taxing to me.
Just had Canadian Pizza. Think its weekend. The pizzas din taste as good as i thought i would. He jus left from home. We wanted to come back to hall to enjoy some quiet times together, just the 2 of us. Came all the way from Hougang to Boon Lay only to realise that my room mate's in. DaRn.. But we still went ahead with our plan, surf the net, proof read my half written essay, watched tv, had pizza... til he was so turned off by the on channel 8 dat he decided to go home.
Im supposed to do up my assignments. Aim to finish everything up hopefully by Thursday. Hasnt been feeling well.. He wasnt feeling well last week too and had to take steriods prescribed by the doc. Now's my turn. Not fun at all to be sick. Ended class at ard 415pm last friday, couldnt bring myself home til ard 7pm. Splitting headache, i felt so daM weak dat i tot i might faint on my way home. Anyway, i reached home safe and sound by 9pm. At my 933rd word of my essay on Aesthetics... way to go.....
Wednesday, October 13, 2004 @ 10/13/2004 11:31:00 PM
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Problem(s)?
He said, if you dun think about it, the problem wont surface.
I said, but dat doesnt mean ther is no problem
I can never understand why people can turn a blind eye (or blind totally) to wad i deemed as a 'SUPER' obvious problem.We cant get down to serious topics. When we start to talk about them, the differences in our opinions will cause our conversation to break down. I know we belong to different ministries of thoughts. I believe that bad habits can be changed with great determination. Thinking, views, opinions these, i believe cant be changed. So to go around this, i think we can compromise. But can someone tell me how to compromise (assuming that i am willing to) when we cant talk about it openly?
I am a person who thinks a lot, really. Those who knows me well enough should know. I have learnt from young, to view things from different perspectives. Too many, in fact. So much so that sometimes this hinders my ability to make decisions. So when i told him about my views and things that i foresee, he gets oversensitive. As usual. Always senstive to the wrong things. I really think we need to talk.
I am looking forward to a long-term relationship. Im not satisfied with just being happy when we meet up on weekends. I need a more in-depth understanding about what he thinks and why. Im not sure if he wans to put in the effort too.. I need to feel more secure. The sense of security he gives me is really lacking. I need to talk to him.. I need him to convince me that ther isnt any problem at all. But when all he tells me is "dont think about it", Im definitely not convinced. It's a vicous cycle.
-484th word of my 1st 2000-word essay of the 2-
With all the assignments, essays and projects and test coming up, due-ing in like 2 weeks time, i really cannot afford the energy and effort to waste on such things. I see the obvious solution, which is to talk them out. But I cant talk to myslef, can i? Im really tired, exhausted... I'm giving up soon... When i stop talking about the problems which have not yet been solved, dat's when i gave up....
Friday, October 08, 2004 @ 10/08/2004 01:37:00 AM
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Well well, what am i doing here? 346th word of my 2000 word essay. Tonns of work to do. feel lousy today. Blame it on PMS.. do i sound like i always blog during PMS?
Was listening to Jay since yesterday. He's a genius. He inspires me.. (i tried to be inspired by him for my composing assignment). Feel so lonely... PmS pmS pmS... argHhhh lOusY daY..
Had to 're-do' the video for my project which was supposed to be done by someone else.. but seems like in the end its my fault for over-editing one of the videos cos someone hasnt edited a bit of hers. Fine. i'll do it.. as usuaL.. normally wont mind... but todae... BLAmE it on PMS and a lousy start of the day: was told in the morning that i had to start my band practice which we managed to "siam" for quite some time since last year. Band practices.. dun mind music any time... but not on Friday nites 8pm - 11pm?
Quarrelled with him. He was rude. He didnt msg me the whole day. He didnt bother to call. When he finally did at 11+pm, he didnt feel like talking to me, i guess. Lousy attitude. "i've work to do lah" . BIG DEAL. u mean i havent got things to occupy my time than to caLL him? cant sleep.. have to work on assignments..no mood..
Had been stuffing my faCe since like 3 days ago? i can feel the extra flabs.. ArGhhh.. i eat and eat. .. and eat.. even though i dun feel hungry but i can finish a mos burger meal with fries... was not hungry but i had to urge to buy dinner and i finished it... was not hungry but i ate Bonjour chocolate loaf... i think i might easily gain some 5 kgs??? *dePress*
-- depress-ion, stress-ation, angry-ation, sad-ation, sian-zation --
Mooncake Festival
Had some fun on 28sept, Mooncake fest. Went play romantic candles at the unromantic park near my house. Got insect bites, his hand got burnt +++
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