Friday, May 26, 2006 @ 5/26/2006 10:35:00 PM
| May issue |
My life is just like an empty shell....this is my life. Full of emptiness.
What do i like? i often find myslf asking this question. What am i doing? Im not doing anything i like because i seriously do not know what i like?
Do i like my job? No
Do i like shopping? No
Do i like watching tv? No
Do i like my r/s? No
Do i like roller blading? No
Do i like swimming? No
Do i like hanging ard drinking coffee with ppl? No
These are the only things i do, or rather, have been doing for these few years.
I do not see a purpose in my life. Read the tuesday with morrie book again during my pedicure session.. yes..i see my problem. Morrie enlightened me. I know i need to live to do something i find meaning in. So... should the purpose be 'finding meaning in sth' then?
i noe its complexed, complicated, confusing. So much so that i dun understand too...
Its either im sufferin frm depression.... maybe i've always been like that..
Work's not been too gd today. made mistake. that might affect someone. But no one understands. I used to think that i can handle stress and pressure very well. But wtf. today i noe im wrong. i cant take it. When things become too overwhelming, that's it. I lose my composure. Im simply too impatient. I hate to do admin stuff. That's why it shouldnt be in my jobscope.
What am i really gd at? ireally need to find out soon...
but it doesnt matter anyway.
Life is stagnant. Life is boring. There's nothing to look forward to. What am i living for?
I cant tolerate someone who's close to me who cant be bothered to understand what im going through. Whenever im feeling down, he's the last one to know and find out and even understand what went wrong. Simply becos he doesnt care. And when he noes abt it, most likely im jus narrating when i went through. He doesnt care and he thinks im making everything up. He cares abt his frens and his passion. that's all. He wil spend all his time and effort doing things that he likes, spending time with his frens. Meeting me everyday is a chore i noe... See? even someone closest to me finds me boring.
Life sux....
why do i sound suicidal? or am i ....
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