ok.

im seldom in the mood to say things frm my heart especially at this weird hr.tmr's a workin day but stil i have alot to say.

goin back to my 2nd sentence - seldom in the mood to say serious things frm my heart. why? i reckon that i dont like to admit to my true-est feelings and true-est self. There's is nothing worth remembering about. One day if my life fades to its dim-est rays... will anyone notice?

Was browsin through the photos in frenster. Looking at the things my frens are doing.. those whom i haven seen for a long time, those whom i think and feel in my opinion, might not do too well, those whom arrogant me think are losers, i think they are doin pretty fine. Fine-er than me at least, to me.

If there is a way to turn back, will i be what i am now? Will i do what i am doin now? guess its gd that ther's no way i can turn back time. Cos i believe even if i did, i will stil be a failure like what i am today. I fail to accomplish my minimum expectations of myslf. If i had worked hard then.. wil i now be where they are?

I have weird and unbearable temper and behaviour. Im arrogant i noe. I refuse to admit that im not as gd as some others. But sometimes, i do feel the despair when i see those ppl doin better than me. Why is it that i cant even be like a normal 22 year old? THose who went through 3 yrs of uni, 3 yrs of happy sch life. I was given a chance but due to my odd behaviour, i gave up opportunities to gain more frens, more experiences... and more happy memories. SH*t me

RegreT? maybe.

what's wrong with me? what's wrong with my life?

A blessing in disguise? Maybe. I hope.

Is it true that each one of us already have a destined path to take?

I dont wish to admit defeat. That's why up til now i still feel the resentment towards her. I know its not her fault. But i simply cant bring myslf to treat her like everything has not happened before. I think im such a loser. I think she can feel it. But i dont care. I cant fake my way through.

Maybe im destined to take the longer route to achieve what i want. Im doin it cos i dont want to lose out eventually. I dont like the feeling of being 1 grade lower than the others and always doing the same amount of job but get peanuts. I know its very shallow to equate achievement with rewards. But still, that's the most impt factor to me.

Even when i want to express myslf, i find that i cant. I cant seem to find the right words. Just what's wrong with me.

i give up